Many years ago in my strategic management consulting days, I was tasked by a C suite leader to investigate how an acquisition had been valued, writes Daniel Murray.*

In hindsight, the team had significantly overvalued the business and the CFO wanted to understand what we could learn for future deals.

Amongst other causes, I found a calculation error which inflated the price.

When I raised it, the team lead insisted I call it an input variation, not an error.

The CFO wasn’t impressed.

With some ferocity he told me to call it what it is: “We stuffed up. Call it an error!”

This was a great lesson, but also highlighted a common frustration for senior executives everywhere: “Why don’t they people admit their mistakes?”

My initial assumption was taking blame makes them look bad and they don’t like criticism.

That pointed the finger at ego – and sure, ego plays a role – but is that the whole story?

This assumption might be true sometimes, but it’s a pretty useless perspective if I wanted to create more transparent and open cultures across diverse teams.

It got me thinking: What else might be true?

Assumptions: Fast, flippant and often flawed

As humans, we naturally use assumptions to navigate the world.

Assumptions are fast and convenient, but rarely perfect.

As leaders, we need to understand, motivate and influence large, diverse groups.

Not everyone who hides a mistake has a massive ego.

I didn’t hide my report card as a kid because of my arrogance.

This is where empathy and perspective taking become more than nice-to-have, soft skills.

If we want to be a leader worth following we need the capabilities to really understand what drives people. To know why people do what they do.

Exploring with empathy

Sadly, many papers written on empathy focus on why it is important, but not how to apply it.

This is why as a speaker and trainer on empathy, I developed a perspective taking tool to make empathy practical.

Here is how it works: Write the behaviour you're trying to understand in a box in the middle of a sheet of paper: “People not owning their errors.”

Then, to the left, brainstorm rational reasons for this behaviour, for example:

• Didn’t know it was an error worth talking about.
• Unsure of how to speak about issues.
• Don’t have the capacity to fix or redo the work.
• Had no idea an error was made in the first place.
• Don’t know who they should speak to.

Whether or not you find these compelling reasons or not doesn't matter. The point is to get outside your own narrow perspective and consider what might be driving others.

Next, to the right of the box consider potential emotional drivers:

• Fear of losing their job.
• Embarrassment of making mistakes in front of peers.
• Arrogance or egotistical beliefs.
• Concern for the impact it will have on others.
• Guilt or shame about making the mistake.

In this list, you can already see a diversity of drivers ranging from arrogance at one end to fear and shame at the other. Again, these may not drive you - but this is not about you, it is about understanding others.

Changing our minds first to influence others

Stepping back, there are many reasons people don’t take ownership of mistakes, and it may be more than one. Being right though is not the point. The goal isn’t to land on the reason or accept the behaviour as inevitable. Errors will occur and we need to address them - but with more empathy for people, we are better placed to lead and influence change.

This is the power of empathy.

It isn’t a soft skill, it is challenging.

It isn’t being nice; it is seeking understanding.

Empathy is the ability to explore diverse human behaviours with curiosity rather than judgement.

To break out of assumptions in search of more. Empathy helps us build teams, organisations and communities with more trust, connection and commitment.

In a world where algorithms are being deployed rapidly to automate decisions, reinforce biases and accelerate our judgemental nature, it will be those who develop and embed empathy as a strategic capability that will create sustainable competitive advantage.

Empathy is no longer a ‘nice to have’; in our modern world, it is amongst the most valued human skills we have left.

Daniel Murray, author of The Empathy Gap, is a sought-after keynote speaker, trainer and consultant who helps senior leaders and their teams unlock performance by leading with empathy, building trust and fostering a high-performance culture. His work blends behavioural science, emotional intelligence and leadership strategy to build more connected, resilient and committed teams. For more information, visit danielmurray.au